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  • Velociraptor, because guess what? I DON'T HAVE A FUCKIN PET VELOCIRAPTOR!. And If I did, please believe I'd sick him on Sallie Mae.
  • The state of women now and days has changed. The wisest words I ever got were from a homeless man. "Treat a woman like a woman, a lady like a lady, and a hoe like a hoe". If you are a gentlemen please don't treat a hoe like a lady. I'm not saying punch her in the face, cause I don't condone such things 88% percent of the time, but I am saying don't buy her flowers or take her to her favorite restaurant and expect her not to be a hoe. It's in her DNA. Either you accept it or you don't. Also don't treat a lady like a hoe. Your going to make it harder for the next guy, that might be the right one.
  • If you are doing sexy things in your life then you should expect haters. It's the way of the world. Here's my logic. I believe in God and Christ. If people will stone and crucify Jesus, then they will do worse to me. It's not like Jesus was walking around killing people, he was saving them. And he still got stoned. I'm not saving a damn person. You can guarantee that they'll say shit about me all day. And if you don't believe in Christ then think about it like this. Based on physics, for every action their is an equal and opposite reaction. If you do a lot of positive then expect to receive a lot of negative.
  • Stop being so homophobic. Most gay people don't want you. And if they do then consider it a compliment. My logic is; I'm attractive thus I attract things and people. If someone finds me attractive then that means that they just have good taste. But I can understand how you feel if you are a heterosexual man. I've been Gay'd several times. I once had to politely ask someone to stop gayin me. Shit is real.
  • BUY A SUIT!!! Why are you over 18 without a suit. I don't care what your logic is, you have to be presentable at all times. If there is a possible occasion where you are not presentable then you are not prepared. Don't miss out on an opportunity in life; not because you were unqualified, but because you didn't feel like wearing the uniform.
  • DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR GIRL FRIEND IF SHE IS NOT ON BIRTH CONTROL. A woman's ability to give birth defines her womanhood. And if you think I'm wrong look at a woman that can't give birth. That reality causes a lot of grief within her life. Some women will choose to have abortions if they get pregnant (which is a whole different topic) and others won't (which again is a whole different topic). Either way don't gamble your regular life on someone else's final decision. Having a child means a completely different thing to a young woman than it does a young man. As a man don't put her and your relationship in a position that it doesn't have to be in. I don't care what kind of woman she is, an abortion hurts a woman at her core. But in retrospect, If a woman doesn't want to get pregnant, she won't. And lets not lie raw sex is amazing. So for the sake of your relationship, pop the pill, get a Depo shot and let the good times roll. If she doesn't want to, then leave her. Chances are she'd rather have a child then pop a pill. Let me say that again. She'd rather have the responsibility of mother heard, AND HOPE THAT YOU'LL BECOME A RESPONSIBLE FATHER, than pop the pill. Leave her. If she does take the pill than good. And as a gentlemen, you should either pay for her birth control or at least give half. Don't be a dick.

Alright I'll stop. That is it for now. Don't get too comfortable thought. There will be a part two.

 

Unless otherwise noted, All content © Theophilus The Great, 2014

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