A Man's Friends:
She doesn't mind me hanging out with my friends but she wants to know that I 'm thinking about her. She'll look forward to a text from me because she's thinking about me. It's not like she wants me to obsess over her but she just needs to know that she's loved. She needs to be comfortable. Her ex's may have placed her in many situations where she was uncomfortable. Thus lowering her tolerance. Her defenses may no longer allow her to be so unsure/insecure for that same duration of time. Because too long means I'm probably/possibly doing something wrong. Regardless of weather I am or not. In her mind it's not what I'm doing it's what I'm not doing. I'm not telling her that she's on my mind. It may not be my fault that she is like this, but If I love her, than it is my responsibility to help correct this. I'm not saying that as man you should tolerate any ones bull shit, but in order to fix a problem, you must understand it.
She says that she doesn't mind me having female friends but she secretly does because she knows that too many women secretly make plans to take other women's men. For whatever reason unavailable men become far too appealing to available women. Or even if they don't aim to "have me" so to say, the topic of discussion in my woman's mind is still "what is so special about my man, that she NEEDS to talk to him? Or WANTS to hang out with him"? To a woman's emotions that can be perceived as a threat or inappropriate. And since it's inappropriate, she then leaves it up to me to check the situation because I am the man. If I do not check it then I am disregarding her feelings or emotions, thus not making her feel like she is the head female in my life. You have to analyze a woman's emotions to really understand how and why she feels negatively towards certain events.
A Man's Initiative:
She hints to ideas because she wants me to want to do these things with her on my own. If she tells me what to do, then in her mind I wasn't interested in doing them with her. Even if I actually am. My initiative shows her exactly how invested in her I am. My advice to men is too pay attention to a woman's details so you can be more spontaneous/creative with what you initiate. Do you want to take your girl to the movies? Or to the spa because you notice she's been stressed lately? Just read her. My advice to women is to assert yourselves a bit more. You will get exactly what you want or exactly what you need. Or listen to a man's words and read him as you expect him to read you. I believe that everyone's actions translates the truth. More importantly, "why" they perform the action. My ex used to think that because I didn't propose to her that I didn't want to make the long term commitment. Yet she wasn't there with me as I stole sales or outsmarted people at a commissions paying job to help save up for a ring. I would come home to complaints of why I was so tired. She never truly asked "why" I was so tired.
In Her Head vs Your Head:
Women have a way of wanting a certain thing a certain way. Think about it. Propose to a woman standing up. Don't kneel. I repeat do not kneel. It would displease her. Because the key act in proposing is the submission of your pride to her. It would ruin the image in her mind of a proposal. There are so many women who have mothers that are unmarried. In essence a man's proposal to her has to be sufficient enough to fulfill two dreams. Her's and her mothers. It's important to analyze your actions in their entirety. I also, know a lot of couples in another scenario so let me briefly touch on this before the transition. A man can tell a woman until she's blue in the face "you are the only one", but until the two have the official discussion about exclusivity (which he has to initiate), then what he said is flattering but not official. Official gives her comfort. Flattery gets her mind off the issue for a moment. My advice to men is to understand how SHE views something. If a romantic evening involves rose petals on a bed, then carnations won't do. Detail with a woman is important.
Us Against the World:
She wants us to be private. This too comes with a catch. She wants everyone to know that I am her's and she's mine. She just doesn't want them to know exactly what is happening between us. To an extent we both want that. We only need everyone else for a few key things. Men want bragging rights to their friends and all men. And in a sense women want the jealousy of other women. Well lets not say that they "want" the jealousy. Maybe that is too strong a word. Lets say that they enjoy it. It is close but not the same. Trust and believe though, that if an issue arises all of the woman's friends will know the business and what happened lol. More importantly, they will all have input on the situation.
The enjoyment of our privacy plays on society to an extent. It plays on the friendship that we have and how tight we are. It makes the inside jokes that much more enjoyable, because in a world full of billions of people we have each other.
Challenge for a Reason:
She wants to challenge me. It's a test. She doesn't want me to let her walk all over me because if she can then so can another man/person that threatens her. She needs to feel protected. And if she's unsure of my capabilities then I am certain to be tested.
She needs to know that she can be herself with me so she'll open up. She'll talk to me about nothing like I'm one of her friends, because to her once I become her man I become her friend, her protector, and in a sense her lead on things. Someone that she can be comfortable with in all elements of who she is. It's a roll with many rolls in it, that sometimes we as men aren't ready to fulfill. She needs to be able to cry on my shoulder, yet she sometimes needs me to help her come to her senses.
Security is a large sense of comfort for anyone. Think about how people have made a business out of this. We hire security, install security systems, encrypt websites, create passwords. Security gives us our privacy while protecting us. To a woman her man is this security to an extent. She needs to feel like he can protect and defend her. It's not like we need to win every fight, but we do need to check anyone that disrespects her emotions or stance on things. Sometimes a man may even need to protect a woman from doubt. As long as she knows that she has you by her side to protect her then you're role in her life is sacred. This is a deeper sense of trust that works both ways. There's nothing like having your woman defend you at your weakest. Ladies it's not like your man expects you to fight his battles, but the idea of you wanting us to be safe is refreshing. Where else do men get that in life? What other element of life says to a man, "I want you to be ok"? It never happens. I'll conclude this segment by saying this, the world we live in can be cruel. It can be frequently overwhelming. When it comes to other people, what matters largely is who is there. Who cared enough to help you. Who cared enough to defend you. And who was there when you were at your weakest. We all need that person and should cherish them. My advice to women, don't put your man in a situation that he will lose. And if for whatever reason he does lose, repair his ego. Attacking it, only makes him distant with you. My advice to my fellow man, is to be the man that she needs. If you are already that man, than be better.
The Man She Needs:
Women need to feel like they have a responsible man because they entrust them. A woman gives you her body thus you are responsible for what goes in it and what comes out of it. LIKE A BABY. Have her child, then she's going to immediately look at you like....."well what are you going to do", because in her mind you are the one responsible. Think about it, the father could be a young father, essentially not a man yet, and he could be doing things with his friends that the mother calls into question. I guarantee you, one thing that will come out of her mouth is..."Oh you can do (whatever) but you can't do (whatever) for your child". It's an attack towards a man and his responsibility that she entrusts him with.
Her Indirect Directness
And since women communicate indirectly with many things including her emotions, sometimes she just wants sex. She says it in her own way. So she might rub her butt on you in the middle of the night. She might argue with you when she see's you. It's a challenge. Women love a man who can be a man. In that particular instance she wants a man to please her. So instead of allowing us as men to be all calm, she'll excite us a bit. It's cute when you think about it objectively. Women communicate indirectly. Thus there is an emotion underlying within the context of what she is saying/doing. She may pull away because she wants me to come close. She may attempt to make me jealous because she wants to feel wanted. Or she may assert her accomplishments, because she needs to feel respected. What I understand about women is that they need comfort. And, yet if you ever encounter a woman whose still on edge from whatever (bad dates, frustration with men etc...), even too much comfort is uncomfortable. Men typically become the targets of these emotions. Just think about all the single women out there, that bash men, yet are waiting for the right one. That's like me saying all women are bitches and then wondering why, I can't find a woman. Women are the up and down. The I love you and I hate you. Men avoid love in today's day and age. But women don't necessarily avoid it, they resist it. Yet too often throw their bodies out to get it. Women who are more mature either know better or grow intolerant of the cycle. The cycle only stops though when they learn to stop it. Keep in mind though, some women are just scorned. These women usually need the most love, yet resist it more than ever. (Sorry for jumping topics)
When She's Hurt:
Women express their hurt in many ways that are unclear to men. The most obvious indicator is silence or distance. A woman's silence is like a waiting symbol. She's waiting for you to bring up a conversation. Waiting for you to apologize. Waiting for you to address the issue. Or she's flat out making you suffer a little. I don't exactly agree with it. But I understand it. Or a woman could be hurt about something but not want create tension so she won't speak about it. Actually lets not say hurt. Lets say that something will cause suspicion within her. And it can be/probably will be the smallest thing, that we men, don't even notice. Like coming in the house, smelling like another woman's perfume. Or having a strand of hair on you that isn't the same color as your girls. These all raise up questions of, "what is that" and "why is it there". From there a woman will question it and give you something I like to call the bull shit test lol. She will wait for whatever answer you have to give. It can be the truth, but if she thinks it's bull shit, then it's bull shit. Whether you like it or not, you should be ready for this issue to come back up in an argument. For instance, the argument can be about you not calling her two nights in a row. Somewhere within that argument you will hear, "and why did you come in the house smelling like that perfume a few days ago"!
My advice to men: We all can get a little lost in our emotions. Don't tolerate disrespect, but allow a woman to have her moment.
A woman that you have hurt or a woman that feels like you hurt her will do things to hurt you back. It's petty and childish in a sense but it's a reaction lol. She'll do little things. She'll attack your ego. Or if you think about it on a larger scale some women will use your children against you. What can I say? Hurt people hurt people.
Pay attention to a woman's details. The closer you pay attention to her the more you can see all of the little things that she'll do to please you. We men have a way of only noticing a sexual alteration. This may be one of many changes that a woman has made to please you. You may not like the color green and a woman might remove the green outfits from her wardrobe. You could not like the way a woman says something and she'll change up her tone/accent a little bit to accommodate you. She'll get her hair done and look forward to you noticing. Everyone needs to feel appreciated. With women a man just needs to take notice and appreciate her effort. I went to visit a woman late in the day, a few months ago, and I noticed how she did her hair and cleaned up her apartment. She even went as far as putting my favorite scented candle in the room. I didn't even know she knew that. In all reality it probably took her hours to do all that she did. And I appreciated that. Hours of preparation just for me..... I'm not some celebrity or the POTUS. I'm just me.
What I understand about women is that many elements of them are based out of comfort and love. All relationships need trust in order to function but comfort is needed for the maintenance of that trust. Consistency maintains comfort. It's not rocket science it's love. It's appreciation. I don't believe it takes much to please a woman (the correct woman), but it does take effort. Side bar: What I also understand is that too many women do not understand men. Ladies I'll help you out.....it all starts and ends with respect.
*There is a deeper point to this post. I'm actually writing this to reflect that when it comes to the woman that I want, none of this truly matters to me. I'm eager to learn her. I have an understanding of how women act, but I want to know her specifics. I'd rather know what makes her feel appreciated or what makes her feel happy than have a general overview of women. Hopefully, I'll be able to write this later on, in the specified manner that I desire.
*This work was also not written to claim that women need men for anything. This is merely something written to expose expectations and comforts that we expect from one another.
*Also, I purposely did not go too in depth on a few topics, like sex, or physical elements. Sex is everywhere to me. It's on overkill at the moment. Maybe one day it will continue this post and bring it up, but not now.
This letter J provided by: waven15